Lover's Guide Adapted from an article originally written by Suzie Heumann
The ancient societies of China, Japan, India and the Middle East were very well versed in sexuality. They considered it a science and delved deeply into the meaning and practices surrounding many aspects of sensuality, sexuality and love. As long ago as 2000 BC the Love Arts became firmly established as an integral component of a healthy lifestyle.
Many books have been written on this suject but there is a set of 'Keys' that will help you right now to transforming your sexual experience. These keys can be practiced and experimented with for your own personal pleasure. Each of us is different, and yet each of us is the same in many ways, so your unique sexploration with these keys will depend on you and the experience you want.
Key #1: Breath of Life
You may not think breathing is very sexy but you couldn't be further from the truth. The benefits are extraordinary and have direct health benefits, too. Learning to breathe deeply into your belly increases relaxation, decreases tension and stress, and puts more oxygen into your blood stream. Oxygen is what delivers the 'O' in Orgasm.
You may not think breathing is very sexy but you couldn't be further from the truth. The benefits are extraordinary and have direct health benefits, too. Learning to breathe deeply into your belly increases relaxation, decreases tension and stress, and puts more oxygen into your blood stream. Oxygen is what delivers the 'O' in Orgasm.
Key #2: Be “Present”, Be in “The NOW”
Before you begin making love, sit on the bed, facing each other, and eye gaze and breathe deeply together. Eye gazing is easy - simply soften your eyes and look into your partner's eyes without "doing anything." The eyes are the windows to the soul. The next time you are making love look deeply into your lover's eyes. Experience the whole event from that perspective, if possible.
Before you begin making love, sit on the bed, facing each other, and eye gaze and breathe deeply together. Eye gazing is easy - simply soften your eyes and look into your partner's eyes without "doing anything." The eyes are the windows to the soul. The next time you are making love look deeply into your lover's eyes. Experience the whole event from that perspective, if possible.
Key #3: Sexercise Your Love Muscles
Learn the right way to do Kegel or PC muscle sexercises and DO them. Your orgasms will be stronger and longer and more satisfying if you have strong PC muscles. You will want sex more often - you'll be turned-on more. You'll like this if you want to up the ante on your sex drive.
Learn the right way to do Kegel or PC muscle sexercises and DO them. Your orgasms will be stronger and longer and more satisfying if you have strong PC muscles. You will want sex more often - you'll be turned-on more. You'll like this if you want to up the ante on your sex drive.
Key #4: Sensual Touch
Pay close attention to how you are touching. Be very deliberate in the touch quality you offer. Put your attention on what you are doing. Notice if your own fingers feel exquisite to you. If they do then your lover will be feeling it too!
Pay close attention to how you are touching. Be very deliberate in the touch quality you offer. Put your attention on what you are doing. Notice if your own fingers feel exquisite to you. If they do then your lover will be feeling it too!
Key #5: Create a sensual spirit in the bedroom
A deep sense of spirit and sensuality is easy to create, especially in your bedroom. Design a space that is sensual, cozy, and restful. Throughout most high cultures of the past, the art of decoration and placement was an important aspect of how life was conducted. Combining the sensual with the spiritual can birth a fresh essence in your relationship.
A deep sense of spirit and sensuality is easy to create, especially in your bedroom. Design a space that is sensual, cozy, and restful. Throughout most high cultures of the past, the art of decoration and placement was an important aspect of how life was conducted. Combining the sensual with the spiritual can birth a fresh essence in your relationship.
Key #6: See your partner as a Goddess or a God
Ancient Eastern societies believed that each individual was the earthly manifestation of the God and Goddess. This belief held each individual responsible for their moral behavior to match that of the Gods. The Sanskrit word Namaste (na-ma-stay) exemplifies this concept. It is used as a greeting and means "the divine in me sees the divine in you." When we can overlook the little nuisances that bother us about our partners, and hold them in a divine light, our relationships are much more fun and meaningful.
Ancient Eastern societies believed that each individual was the earthly manifestation of the God and Goddess. This belief held each individual responsible for their moral behavior to match that of the Gods. The Sanskrit word Namaste (na-ma-stay) exemplifies this concept. It is used as a greeting and means "the divine in me sees the divine in you." When we can overlook the little nuisances that bother us about our partners, and hold them in a divine light, our relationships are much more fun and meaningful.
Key #7: Communicate
Use your brain, your heart, and your voice during sex. Communicate!
Here's a simple 3-step lesson to use when you aren't getting what you want:
- Make a small compliment about something that is right. "Honey, I like the light touch you're using on my..."
- Make a single request: "Could you try doing the same thing but faster?"
- Make a comment: "Wow, I thought that would be great but it doesn't work." Or "Yes, that's it. Oh my!"
Get the picture? It's called a sandwich: Say something that is working, ask for a single change, make an acknowledgement of the change, whether it worked or not. With this kind of a feedback cycle you'll both be more empowered to learn so much more about each other.
A Sensual Evening ala The Kama Sutra:
Tantric philosophy says that the search for knowledge is in everything you do, see, and experience. Being aware of your senses - touch, smell, taste, sight, and hearing - and using them consciously will create a more mindful life.
