The good news is that there is another stage of sexual relationship: the “waking up” stage. Sometimes one or both partners recognize that the partnership needs help to return to or begin a new stage of passion and connection. This is the time that many couples come to therapy or seek out couples workshop. One partner recognizes the problem and doesn’t want to stay asleep. Both partners remember the “alive” feeling of sexual connection and of falling in love. They want to feel energized and passionate again. The process of learning to talk to each other begins.Just as in the early stages of relationship, when we seek to know our partner intimately, we can bring new excitement to our relationships later when we learn ways to communicate about sex. Better lovers bring more skills to the relationship and increase the depth of erotic life. Couples can do this at any phase of relationship, bringing a new level of passion to the relationship.
When we learn how to talk about the things that scare us, we experience a greater level of intimacy. Loving feelings then naturally increase toward our partner. Risk can make sex exciting and many times increases feelings of attachment.
Much of the delight in the early stages of relationships comes from the discovery of our partner. Learning about our love object, unveiling our own inner selves, and finding erotic charge from the shared discovery keeps us engaged and present in relationship. Remaining curious about your partner, learning ways they receive pleasure, and what they desire, can renew those early feelings of “falling in love.” Falling into the passion can be a conscious choice at any phase of your relationship. Through conscious dialogue and a commitment to growth, couples can have the passion and love they desire.
