This helpful article will bring to light what sexual stage your relationship is in, and how you can turn up the heat and passion. So find out if you're in the:- Sweatpants Stage
- Conflict Stage
- Sleep Stage
- Waking Up Stage
(Article originally published by Tammy Nelson & adapted for this website)
Falling in love is easy. That’s why we call it “falling” and not “climbing.” Sometimes we even plummet into love. This falling idea implies we don’t have a choice. It also means we don’t have control. Falling in love is an emotional bungee jump, an adventurous free fall into the unknown depths of imagined romance. There is an element of excitement to that “falling” feeling. When we relax our guard and let ourselves love another person, we get into the rush. It’s only later that we say to ourselves, “Oh, wait, what was I thinking?”
In the early phases of romantic love, everything feels easy. We are excited to see our beloved. We think about them often. We desire them sexually. And sometimes we feel like we can’t get enough.
At some point, the fall seems to slow down. Maybe it even stops. For some of us the ground rushes up fast, and we slam into the hard cold reality of real relationship. Our partner doesn’t always adore us. We don’t always feel cherished. Sometimes they annoy us. And sex isn’t as spontaneous and passionate as it was during the free fall stage. The relationship moves into a more settled place and sometimes we wonder whether we are still in love. When the sex is different, the highs are not as high, and the attraction is not the same, does this mean that we are no longer in love? What happened to the passion? Long-term relationships are not necessarily a death sentence for love and desire. These phases of partnership are normal and common to everyone. Sexual excitement and passion are part of a conscious relationship, where a shared vision of connected, intimate partnership is part of the work of couple hood.
Better sex and more passion often require more conscious choice. It may not feel effortless anymore like it did in the free fall phase of your relationship. But now we have the opportunity to create the passion we really want.
